I'm just done reading "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.
Although I have been aware for some period that I have difficulties with alcohol, this book made me face them. Nevertheless peculiarly soothed me to comprehend I am not alone. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. Developing to maturity was very difficult - my dad was a serial cheater, my mum had no self-respect and overweight, unpopular me was abandoned to take care of myself most of the time. Emotionally, I was totally self-reliant.
Strangely, I never drank in secondary school. Though, I went to University at an esteemed school which prided itself on its education'.and students prided themselves on their power to party. And so started my way into binge drinking and consequent bad character - beginning from black outs, to dreadful hangovers to unfitting sexual practices.
I came to understand that the only way for a corpulent young woman to have a sexual relation was to be intoxicated the same way as the boys.
On one particular occasion, I found myself in bed with a random guy naked, and this happened when I was in Canada; Many times I ponder over this incident thinking how astonishing it is that I never got pregnant, injured or infected with any sexually transmitted diseases or worse still dead.
Life moved on - I became a licensed nurse, got a masters degree and dated a lovely guy. We took wine on weekends when we were with each other and sometimes during the week I would buy myself a drink.
After that comes a moment when I got married, I got pregnant twice, both I had it when I completely abstained of alcohol. Be that as it may, then as life continued, maturing guardians, ADHD kid, worried, compulsive worker spouse with outrage issues.....wine on ends of the week got to be wine Thursday-Sunday.
My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.
Immediately I arrived home - and encounter the household disorder, getting supper, attempting to receive ADHD boy to pay attention on homework while prying the other person off his iPod'.. I can just think about combining that drink'..which I keep filling again till finally I become asleep or faint. In the mornings, what I do first is to go through my I-phone to find out whom I may have accidentally texted while being intoxicated.
Well there's more to it - one time I involved in forbidden relationship with a guy whose a father to my son's friend, the relationship was very intensely emotional, he got me hooked. The relationship never got physical (other then a couple embraces and standing close at donning occasions) however in the event that any of you have perused about (or encountered) an enthusiastic undertaking, the effect can be similarly as sensational and extreme, if not more so then a physical relationship. I was very happy - each time my phone pointed out a message...oh the rush of emotions. On many occasions, we chatted late into the night, at times in the midnight, when we were at work.
I was elated than I had ever been. The affair was getting dangerously near to crossing over the sexual line and he retreated. I was emotionally wounded and desolate, so my use of alcohol grew.
My cocktails comforted me they assisted the infliction.
I am so embarrassed as I think back over my life. Series of my drunken journey:
I got hammered really hard at a cocktail party last Christmas.
Squandered at my sister's 50th birthday
Mouthing off on my iPhone
I shouted and screamed inappropriately in front of my kids
Domestic violence against my husband
When my son had a friend sleeping over I had a total scream and shout fight, but it only happened once.
I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. I have a feeling that I am returning home.